An Exercise in Hedonism
by MonochromeWhisper
Summary: A story about the things I imagine a more unbridled Haruno would do. Story will likely be in the structure of short vignettes.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Oregairu.

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"You are a terrible person."

In response to that statement her teeth flashed in a makeshift attempt at sincerity. Her face had broken too often into a smirk to accommodate a smile. A shadow of mirth always hid in her expressions.

She took nothing seriously. She always knew more than the person she was talking to. She was always in control.

"But I love you, Hayato."

He stared back at her blankly. His expression hardly even registering the words.

"You're not usually like this, you know?"

"Why do you do this?"

She tried to smile again.

"Why do you let me?"

Hayama Hayato grimaced as she said those words.

"You know why I let you."

"I want you to say it yourself."

Sadism.

"I love you."

Emotional control.

"I love you too." She ran her finger delicately down his exposed chest.

Physical control. Hayato twitched for a split second then settled. A part of him wanted to resist.

"This sort of thing means nothing."

"Most fun things don't mean anything at all, Hayato."

Hedonism did look good on her. Lots of things looked good on her. That was at least a good portion of the trouble.

"You should take this sort of opportunity to let loose. After all, you aren't as nice as people seem to think, right?"

"You don't think that."

"Of course I don't. So this must be a valuable respite for you."

Lust, taboo, and distance from the everyday.

"At some point I may feel bitter enough to…" He let the sentence dangle. She smirked.

"If you want to, I don't mind it. You're cute Hayato, it would hardly affect my reputation."

He knew she was lying.

She knew he was bluffing.

It was a perceived stalemate of sorts, but to say she wasn't the dominant presence would be a flaw in judgement.

She controlled the situation simply because of her disposition.

"Then again, you aren't the sort of person willing to do something like that Hayato. What would my cute little sister think of you if that sort of thing got out?"

"What would she think of you?"

"That she was right about me all along. It would merely be a reinforcement of what she believes she already knows."

He knew she cared.

She knew he couldn't bring himself to bring her harm.

"Are you lonely?" He asked the question having already decided on the answer.

"I'm alone."

"Then why can't we-" He cut himself off, as if to preempt and allow adequate space for her inevitable retort.

"That's so cute Hayato." She paused, as if thinking for a moment. "But don't you know how inappropriate that sort of thing would be?"

A vein pulsed on Hayama's temple.

"Are you bored?"

"If hiding who I am is boring I would say at this moment I'm entertained."

"If hiding who you are is boring why do you do it?"

Hypocrisy.

"For the same reason you do."

A lie.

"Besides, what people do is never really boring. Why people do it could end up being boring and two tone. Rather, in the end it's always the people that are boring. They color their actions boring."

"Do you find me interesting?"

"Interesting enough, why else would I spend so much time with you? I'm immune to cuteness, or I'd be at my little sister's beck and call."

"What you consider cute isn't what anyone else would."

"Kitten cute is boring."

Because of why kitten cute is cute.

She paused for a moment before becoming as scandalized as she could manage.

"Wait, are you saying you don't think my little sister is cute?"

"Of course I don't."

She pouted, glaring over at him darkly.

She smirked.

"Well Hayato, this has been fun."

"If you say it was I suppose it was."

Understanding and resignation.

"You wanna cuddle, I'd let you do it this one time."

A whim.

He wrapped his arms around her.

He felt disgusting for doing so.

He was ecstatic to be able to.

She smirked.

* * *

Thanks for reading, reviews are appreciated.

The structure of this fanfiction will likely be disjointed.

Perspective will probably change.

Most of the chapters will center around Haruno.

Updates will likely be sporadic, though an attempt will be made at regularity.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Oregairu

* * *

Chapter 2

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He had decided that he was afraid.

No, perhaps it was too primal a reaction to be called a decision. If this was a story that took place at the dawn of mankind he would undoubtedly be her subordinate. She was the alpha. She instilled in him that odd mixture of fear and awe, jealousy and adoration.

She was the sort of person that he hated, though he would show her deference out of habit. It was only natural that the weak should pay homage to the strong.

That was the way of the world.

Every interaction with her was colored by this lense. He would be pulled along a ridiculous train of thought for longer than he should be. He would be played where in any other situation he would see the solution. She was a winner with the disposition of a loser.

No, she was a winner with the intellect of a loser.

She played with the world under the assumption that her base abilities would not be able to muster the brute force to pull herself out of any situation. She was doubly dangerous because she realized that technique was something that the weak adopted to attempt to match the strong. She realized if she could harness the mindset of the weak she could become something truly unattainable.

That's why her personality was so awful.

That's what he had decided. Perhaps that was a weakness in itself. Perhaps there would be a moment of uncertainty where she did not adopt the mentality of a winner when the mentality of the loser would not create the desired result.

Though he doubted it, she was superlative. In the list of people that he doubted she would be the last. She was the most superlative person he had ever met.

She was most perfect person he had ever met in the most unappealing way possible. He was one of the few people who could see through her. He was one of the few losers that truly saw the world through a loser's lense rather than trying to shove their weakness into the shoes of the strong. He could see more clearly.

He could do nothing with his sight.

"Don't you have something better to do?"

She smirked.

With him she didn't seem to have an interest in trying to smile.

"Become mine, Hachiman."

A few years earlier he would have fallen for her instantly. Then again, a few years ago he would have mistaken that smirk for a smile. Such was his ignorance a few years prior. Still to say he knew how to respond would be a lie.

He was still a loser.

He blushed.

She grabbed onto his arm and looked at him with upturned eyes.

"Is there a reason you're here?" He kept his voice level while edging away.

"To spend time with you."

She said it just as evenly, perhaps even with a hint of conviction.

"I'd rather not spend time with you."

Letting go of his arm, she made a light twirl before turning back to face him.

"Now you know that isn't true."

Maybe this was the sort of unpleasant a winner could appreciate. A battle of wits with one that could be your equal. Still, in the end he was a loser. So all he could feel was the urge to run away.

"I don't have any interest in becoming yours."

"Did I come on too strong? I'll remember that for next time."

"It would help if you got to the point."

"I wanted to ask how my cute little sister was doing."

"Fine."

"You're even more brief than her," she paused "I guess that makes you even more charming."

That train of thought.

"Are you a masochist?"

"I'm interested in stimulation." So not a no then. Though she did lean much closer to the sadistic side.

"Are people your age really that boring?"

"No, they're entertaining enough. Though none of them can see quite as clearly as you can. The world really does build up the ego once you hit the college years. 'It gets better right?'"

He didn't believe it, though maybe her reassurance made the slightest hint of a crack in his conviction.

"So, confident people are boring?"

"You know that isn't what I meant. Or maybe you're going to end up becoming boring too."

It was odd that he felt threatened by that statement, as though her lack of interest within him would be a threat to the way he lived his life.

Such was the power of the strong.

Such was the nature of hierarchy.

"Even I can't read between all the lines."

She smirked.

"No, your trouble is that you look too hard between the lines."

Though that wasn't the deficiency in that case.

"That isn't relevant now."

"I'm glad you noticed."

"You want answers don't you?"

"I won't leave you alone till you give them to me."

"Isn't that childish?"

"That isn't relevant now."

She latched onto him again.

"Like I said, she's fine. It's not as though we're that close."

"There's no use lying to me."

"Yes there is."

Even a paper shield could occasionally block something.

"A for effort."

"Success is what matters."

"You don't really believe that do you?"

He paused. He had lived his life as lazily as possible.

In that he had succeeded.

"Definition of success is too transient."

"That's not the reason you don't believe it."

"What sort of reason are you looking for?"

"One that's much more unreasonable."

"I'm a reasonable person. That's why I don't have many friends."

"Your definition of reasonable is flawed."

"So is your definition of cuteness."

That's what makes things stimulating.

"Stop deflecting."

"Stop prodding."

He broke away from her.

"I just need to know what I need to know."

"You don't-" She put a finger to his lips.

"I don't need an existential rant right now, Hachiman."

"I suppose I won't get rid of you any other way."

"I'm that sort of person."

"No, you aren't."

She tilted her head.

"You're too used to winning to be determined."

She smirked.

"It's not as though the truth is any more interesting than the lie. She hasn't changed at all."

"That's not true."

She looked at him. Her eyes were shadowed by an emotion he couldn't recognize.

"You're coming closer and closer to being boring."

"Maybe that's because of you. Being interesting has become much more tiring than being boring.'

"So she's changed that much then, I can't say I'm surprised. Or rather, she regressed even further."

He didn't say anything.

There was no response that he could muster in opposition. He knew, in the end, her words were true. Like some sick guardian angel she was always there to point out their deficiencies. Yet her words could not simply be dismissed as mean spirited.

That was the power of truth.

"I can't do anything about it."

"You don't believe that."

"She won't let me do anything about it."

"That's not what you think."

"Why?"

"You're too much of a loser to be this pathetic."

He clenched his teeth.

The words he let out were more a bark than true vocalization.

"Then what should I do."

"I can't give you all the answers."

"Then why do you bother at all?"

She tilted her head.

"Because it's fun."

A whim, was it as simple as that? Was it nothing more than that to her?

"You're lying."

She simply looked at him blankly.

As the seconds passed the corners of her lips turned upwards.

"Some things don't mean anything, Hachiman. Hayato and you really are similar. That's why you hate each other isn't it? Birds of a feather need to fight over mating rights."

"Things have to mean something."

"Like I said, you look between the lines too often."

"That isn't the problem here."

"No, that's exactly the problem here."

She gave him that same look again, tinted by an emotion he had only seen on her face that one time before.

"I shouldn't have had to tell you that."

She walked away.

He looked down.

She smiled.

That half-hearted faint imitation of her smirk.

* * *

Same deal as chapter 1.

Thanks for reading, reviews are appreciated.

Updates will be sporadic.


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